DISCLAIMER - The author makes no magic claim for the truth, or for the fiction, of the things portraeyd in this play but merely reports them as a matter of public interest. Any resemblance between any character or any person, living or dead; or with any action within the 7-Eleven, Southland or Stanford Agency, its affiliates or franchisees is purely coincidental. Written / Copyright by Jean Yeager, 2005

SYNOPSIS:

SET UP:

The story is set in an The Sampson Agency, the fictionalized in-house advertising agency of the 7-Eleven Food Stores. The comedy revolves around Robert (Bob) Sampson, age 70, a former Hollywood star, Television and Radio personality, and agency founder.

The conflict and comedy begins before the play opens as Sampson’s secretary of 25 years has announced that she will retire. This has caused Sampson to confront his own issues of aging.

As the play opens, Sampson is becoming embroiled in a corporate down-sizing and is resisting any suggestion that he has lost any creative “juice” or ought to even think about retirement.

TEASER

           The Teaser is staged in a RECORDING STUDIO SET which allows the actors to re-create some of the very funny, vintage 7-Eleven radio commercials such as: Slurpee Strange Things, Inventor Of Ice, Lucky Phone Call and others.

ACT I

Scene 1 is set in the RECORDING STUDIO where Bob is bemoaning the fact that his secretary will retire and he resisting any suggestion that he has lost any creative juice to Frank, his long-time friend, confidant and radio collaborator.

In Scene 2, Sampson is informed by the 7-Eleven company President and new 30-something VP that the marketing department will be downsized, much of their work outsourced. The corporation needs to cash – and fast! Senior management wants to double sales by giving the network television to a high-powered advertising agency. This means the in-house Sampson Agency is threatened with the loss of it’s multi-million dollar network television business because their creative is “old and outdated”.

Sampson is shocked but uses his prestige and quick wits to request and be granted last opportunity to “pitch” one-on-one for the network television business against a contemporary, creative power-house national ad agency.

Sampson’s start-status and “there’s only one Bob Sampson” quickly becomes a long-term corporate liability. At age 70, who would take Bob’s succeed him? Clearly, there is no answer.

Scene 3, takes place in Bob’s office. Bob informs his writing staff of the threat to the agency’s network television business and the downsizing. Amid this concern it is learned that a large, Japanese company has contacted the Sampson Agency to request that they “pitch” for their business. This good news amid the bad, puts pressure on the agency writing staff to perform.  

Bob’s habitual response a situation like this is to “paint the duck” which means to re-do a successful (old) presentation. Bob chooses the old “Yankee Doodle Dandy” presentation which involves three elements: the song “Yankee Doodle Dandy”, cleavage and a sound-effects cannon.

Bob runs into conflict with the writing staff because the “Yankee Doodle” presentation is old and outdated, sexist to the point of “burlesque-esque” Poppy puts it. “It’s this kind of work that has put our network TV on the line!” they say. Bob says that he “might” consider their efforts to make the presentation more contemporary but, “no promises.”

ACT II

           Scene 1 is set in the recording studio again. Bob is suffering from extreme anxiety over the upcoming presentations. When Bob is anxious, “nobody is safe” the writers say because on one similar occasion, Bob fired Don Coburn when he was the agency creative director. (D.L. Coburn, Pulitizer prize winning author of the “Gin Game”.) While at the agency, Coburn had created the “Pepsi Challenge” which had revolutionized soft drink marketing. They hope that Frank can “calm the waters” with Bob so they can get through the day without someone losing their job.

           Bob is moving ahead with his idea of “painting the duck” and re-doing the old “burlesque-esque” “Yankee Doodle” presentation and has asked Myrna, a voice-talent with whom they work, in for an audition.

           Martha, Bob’s secretary, pans both the idea of the “Yankee Doodle” presentation and Bob’s choice of Myrna. She asks him, “have you lost your mind?”

           Poppy, the female writer, brings in headsheets of young women and suggests that they cast one of them for the presentation, costume her as a cheerleader in order to capture the wholesomeness of vital, contemporary young women. Bob dismisses the idea.

           Richard, who has been assigned to re-lyric music for the presentation, interrupts Poppy’s departure with his ideas for new, contemporary music – the theme from the hit new TV show, “21 Jump Street”, “My Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades”. Bob dismisses this idea, too.

           As they depart, Myrna arrives carrying her “eensy-weensy, red, spangly bikini” which Bob has asked her to bring for the audition. Clearly, Bob is dead-set on going ahead with the presentation burlesque-esque style.

           In Scene 2, also in Bob’s office, Bob meets with the VP of marketing and the creative director from Ian & Rubicon advertising to plan the network TV presentation. Bob tries to present the Sampson Agency as “contemporary” by showing examples of their work in progress -- the two ideas he had only moments before rejected – cheer leaders and the song from 21 Jump Street. Bob is unsettled when the creative director says that I&R doesn’t lose pitches because they include corporate espionage as one of their tactics so that they know what their competition will do in any presentation.

           Scene 3 takes place in the Writer’s Bull-Pen. The writers bemoan the fact that Bob is resisting any attempt to make the “Yankee Doodle” presentation more contemporary. They fear that the same thing will happen with the network TV pitch as well. They sense impending doom. The scene ends with Richard singing “Kiss Your Ass Goodbye” to the tune of “Kiss The World Goodbye”.

           Scene 4 and Act II ends with the “Yankee Doodle Dandy” presentation in Bob’s burlesque-esque style. It is a total mayhem. Language differences have meant that the Sampson Agency prepared the presentation for a Japanese dairy when in fact it was a Japanese deli. The unexpected cannon blast causes the Japanese businessman to crap his pants. “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

ACT III

           Scene 1 takes place in Bob’s office. Bob attempts to avoid all responsibility for the debacle of the “Yankee Doodle Dandy” presentation but the writers confront him. He admits that they were right and he was wrong. He is afraid that the agency will lose the presentation because I&R will spy on them. Bob says that he will step back and let them create the commercial they will use in the presentation. He suggests they lock themselves in the conference room and write their scripts – whatever, just get it done.

           In Scene 2, the writers return. They have taken the corporate jet to a resort near Mexico called “Rancho Notorious” where they wrote for four days. Bob looks over the scripts and doesn’t like any of them. The writers don’t like any of them either. They admit they didn’t know how to work like this. They feel the agency is doomed.

           Bob feels doomed, too. He says that he has realized he must retire and get out of the way of the future. The bigger questions of the future of the agency will take time to sort out. But, they’re under pressure from the impending presentation. All agree the concept commercials would not win the pitch. The only way to get that time is to win the presentation. But, it won’t solve the bigger problem – the future.

To win the presentation, and buy time for the agency’s next step, Bob suggest that they “paint their duck” – “the I&R duck.” Many years before, Bob had a successful television show which aired just before Milton Bearle’s “Show of Shows”. Bearle had a reputation for stealing gags. So, Bob built up his audience share by stealing Bearle’s first gag and concluding his show with it. making it appear that Bearle stole Bob’s joke.

Because the Sampson Agency will present first, Bob suggests they can make it appear that I&R has stolen the Sampson Agency commercial by presenting a commercial almost identical to the I&R commercial first. I&R would win the presentation only IF their commercial is significantly better and different. A tie goes to the Sampson Agency.

And it does.

“A quick read. Lots of laughs.” – J.S. / Media Arts, Detroit

“I like the way this play begins and ends. It’s a great way to lead into & exit…. I already anticipate it will be fun, fast-paced. The characters are wonderful!” – P.D. / Stage 3 Theatre, Sonora, CA

ABOUT THE AUTHOR – JEAN W. YEAGER

From 1978 – 1986, Jean Yeager was a writer / producer for The Stanford Agency, the legendary in-house advertising agency for the Southland Corporation, parent of 7-Eleven food stores. During this time he won three International Broadcasting Awards for his radio comedy advertising and dozens of similar national and regional awards.

Any resemblance between any character and any person, living or dead; or with any action within the 7-Eleven company, its affiliates or franchisees is purely coincidental.